By Bunmi Sofola
It’s really a common problem – you have brief fling with a man. At first you thought he was great, but you went off him. He was far more interested in you than you were in him. You told him how you felt, but he’s pestering you with texts and calls and has appeared at your door a few times with presents. You don’t want to hurt him. You know it was your fault for leading him on but now you feel threatened. How to really get rid of him for good.
‘It is cruel to be kind’ might be a good approach here, but is it a kind one? “It might not even produce the result you want,” said Jenn, who’d gone through emotional trauma trying to get rid of a difficult ex-to-be. “If you say: ‘It’s over, I never want you to be in touch ever again. If you so much as ring me, I’ll call the police. Goodbye! You will risk driving him mad with misery, a madness that could turn all too easily into rage and violence.
“Your best bet here is to invent another man. But whatever you do, you need to let him know there is nothing in any future relationship with him. Be completely honest and say that you shouldn’t have leapt in quite quickly, and apologise. You could even say you’ll like a couple of months with no contact but that you would not like to stop being friends in the long term, unless he’d prefer to call it a day. It’s kinder to give him that option, because then he would feel that he had some power over you and he would now decide he’d prefer a total separation. Then he could kid himself that, in the end, he had taken the decision to end it completely, rather than you.
“But if he won’t take this route – and sadly, I bet he won’t – then rather than cut off, just very, very slowly withdraw the emotional support, as it were, only answer every other e-mail, and then one in three. Keep your replies short and friendly. Text could be reduced to single words like “Excellent…” or ‘Not really…’ At this juncture never, ever accept gift from him, no matter how expensive. Slowly, he will learn to survive on his own. He’ll know that you’re still there, listening to him and occasionally responding but that you’re never going to be the mainstay of his life”.
Could a disinterested lover being stalled by her love-struck boyfriend be enjoying the attention? According to Carolyn who once took an ex back out of pity only to bitterly regret it: “Having someone more interested in you than you are in him, and offering attention and presents could be flattering. Were it not for the fact that you’re secretly enjoying being pursued by someone you find or found attractive, you would have long since barred him from your phones and set him and his present packing. If you are serious in regarding him as a past, you can’t afford to be kind. You must have tried the ‘nice’ options. So, then write him a note saying that you wish him to stop contacting you in any way but I suspect that if you simply ignore him, he will go away. Your signals must be entirely unambiguous.
However, if he’s a decent chap who is just head over heels in love, you still owe him nothing. Only a hermit can avoid being hurt. Being hurt is part of life. Move on, and do not feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong”.
The Thoughtful Wife (Humour)
Harry the postman was on the final day of his job after 35 years of serving the same neighbourhood come rain or shine. At his first house, he was greeted by the entire family applauding him, and sent on his way with a healthy envelope. At the second house, he was presented with a case of fine wine, at the gird he left with a box f Havana cigars.
At the fourth, Harry was greeted by a beautiful bombshell in a baby-doll nightie, who took him by the hand upstairs to the bedroom and treated him to the best sex of his life. Afterwards she led him to the kitchen and cooked him breakfast. As the stunning woman poured the coffee, the postman noticed a N500 note next to his cup. “What’s the money for?”, he asked. “Oh”. The woman replied “Last night I told my husband that today was your last day, and I asked him what we should give you as a special treat. He said: ‘Screw the postman! Give him N500’. The breakfast was my idea.
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